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  • Bella Jean

Change, Again?


Change is inevitable. Life is unfair. Things happen. However, growth and adapting is up to you. Our life is in God’s hands, but whether or not we go with the flow or let our hearts be filled with negativity, bitterness, and resentment… that is in our hands and ONLY our hands. So, remember that when you are moping around (like I was before I decided to come in here and write) and feeling sorry for yourself. Remember this when a not-so-happy thought enters your brain because that's where it starts. Nip it in the beginning! Remember that also when you are smiling for no reason like a toddler just simply filled with joy and love and you're happy for apparently no reason. And… if you are that toddler, be damn proud of yourself!! Get that child-like happiness and faith back. It's not too late.


Life is hard, y'all. Super hard! My life right now isn’t how I want it to be AT ALL. I bet many of you are thinking that right now. Life never “went my way”, did it for you? I had more responsibilities than most kids, severe heart breaks, many trials, many changes… soo many changes when I didn’t want them or “wasn’t ready”. I've been surrounded with cancer and have experienced A LOT of betrayal and trauma. People tell you, “you can trust me” all of the time, but do they not realize the intensity of those words? Do they not realize that by saying those four words, they set a bar, an expectation, and those four words can make or break their integrity. I have built many walls around my heart as high as Jack’s Beanstalk... just to FINALLY let people in (or back in) and let my walls down slowly just to get stomped on. Betrayed again. Satan yells, “SEE, never let your walls down!”. I know, I am not alone. If you're a lady out there struggling with some of these same thoughts, please be rest assured that YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER. You have a soft, forgiving heart in a seemingly (fo real) cruel world and you may not think it's worth the pain, but it is worth it. It is worth it to try and try again and to put your trust in Our Lord. It is worth it to be vulnerable. What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful. Be you and don't let anyone tell you that you're "too sensitive". You know what they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, right? That TOTALLY makes me feel better… not… Anyways, I came in here to write for the SOUL PURPOSE of telling myself (and whoever may be reading this), “NOT TODAY, SATAN! NOT today. NOT tomorrow. NOT EVER.”.


LET'S BE REAL - I cuss a lot. At the time, my thought process actuallllly went something like this, “F@!K OFF, SATAN! I don’t want your negative vibes in my life!”. Cussing is something I'm really trying to decrease, but clearly today isn’t my day for more change.


I’m back. You didn’t know it, but I just chose joy. Take that, Satan! I just took a 25 minute break to run around the block with mama and my dogs, Emma Louise and Marilyn Jean. We skipped in the rain and made sure to jump in every single puddle because that’s what Marilyn wanted to do. We had FUN. Do you remember the last time you had fun? Animals are so much better at choosing joy than us humans. Seriously, take notes… Do you have a dog? A cat? If you were like your dog, you would always be happy to see your loved ones, you’d make the most out of every moment, and forgiveness would be at the top of your resume. If you were like your cat, well, I can’t say you’d be great at forgiving, but you’d be REALLY good at minding your own business, relaxing (something I also struggle with), and never comparing yourself to others. Choose joy, just do it.


Back to change… If you google the word “change”, the definition that pops up is “to make or become different”. Different. DIFFERENT. That is a super scary word to some people. We live in a world where being "different" is becoming less and less common just like common sense! Being different makes you, YOU. It makes you unique. In a world full of cookie cutter people, please bless everyone around you and JUST BE YOU. God loves the real you and so will many others if you just give them a chance to know the real you. If you google the word “different”, the definition that pops up is “not the same as another or each other”. Not once, in either of those definitions, did words like: bad, worse, less than, inferior, or any other one of those negative words come up. Change means different, NOT BAD, and any change simply because it is different will be accompanied with some discomforts and drawbacks. Humans are creatures of habit. To reassure you, if you have God at the center of your heart, you can rest knowing FOR CERTAIN THAT THE CHANGE YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IS FOR GOOD. If you’re in my position, if you have God in your heart, and if you’re reading this, know… YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. God doesn’t do things “just ‘cause”. God always has a reason. God always has your back. If you have Him in your heart and you are doing your part, chill and trust Him to do His part. He will.

Verses That Help Me:

Psalm 46:10 - “Be still, and know that I am God.”

I have this verse tattooed on my wrist and hung up in my bathroom. Being a very future orientated woman who struggles with patience, THIS VERSE is my “cling to”. All of this negative s#@t we each go through is inevitable, but you know what? God’s victory is

inevitable too! CHILL BRUH.

Isaiah 49:23 - “She who hopes and trusts in the Lord will never be disappointed.”

Well, that hits the bullseye! We’re done here, that is the secret to a happy life. Eureka!! Like almost everything, it is much easier said than done… BUT have you tried it? Have you really 100% whole-heartedly tried it?

Joel 2:25 - “God can restore what is broken and/or change it into something amazing. All you need is faith.”

There’s that dreaded word “change” again! Don’t you want change in this case though? See, change isn’t always a bad thing… just different. If you know God, you know that He is a pretty incredible dude and that everything He does is like x999999. He’s an overachiever. So, if God says He’s going to change something broken into something amazing, it’s not going to be JUST amazing. God is going to change it into something super duperty fantastically amazing! ****BUT YOU NEED FAITH****

Psalm 25:5 - “Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

Okay, first, do you WANT God’s guidance? The first steps towards receiving God’s guidance are realizing that you:

1. Want it

2. Are willing to seek it

3. Trust & obey

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